How do you talk to your child about a less-than-stellar report? Parents are understandably invested in their children’s results and may be disappointed when these are not up to their expectations. Often, the arrival of year-end reports is met with some tension. However, how we approach the subject of reports with young learners may make or break their motivation for the next year ahead.
Why Discuss Reports with Learners?
It’s tempting to avoid discussing results before the school holidays kick off. Learners are frazzled from exams, parents are exhausted at the end of the year and everyone feels they need a break. The temptation to sweep any feelings about reports under the rug may be real, but that simply leaves everyone carrying this uncertainty and stress with them into the holidays. On the other hand, unsatisfactory results may lead to arguments and unhappiness that can spiral out of control exactly because everyone is so tired. So how should parents and guardians approach this thorny subject?
A helpful starting point is thinking clearly about the reasons for talking to the learner about their results. In an interview with Zain Johnson on Cape Talk, Melissa van Hal of EduHelp Support Learning said that results indicate what needs to be changed, not what the learner is capable of. This shifts the focus from the results themselves to what they reveal about where the learner is in their academic journey. Instead of the results being the major discussion point, parents and guardians can shift the conversation to the bigger picture.
There are three main reasons for parents or guardians to discuss reports with learners. Firstly, comparing your child’s marks with the class or grade average shows how they measure up against their peers. This is useful as it shows both parents and learners where they match or fall short of the expected knowledge gained in the academic year. Secondly, results and teachers’ comments will indicate each learner’s strengths and weaknesses, and where they need to focus their attention and efforts in the next year. Thirdly, getting an overview of their achievements and shortfalls builds resilience in children, as it prepares them for what is ahead and gives them the opportunity to regroup and try again. The secret to a fruitful and mutually satisfying conversation is in how parents and guardians approach the subject.
How to Speak About Results
The most important thing to remember is to avoid allowing negative emotions to colour your approach. If you feel anger, disappointment, frustration, etc., acknowledge and accept these emotions and get them under control before talking to your learner. Maintain a neutral, warm and encouraging tone throughout, asking them how they feel about their tests (not just the result they got), and acknowledging and respecting their feelings. Focus on the effort they put into their studies and the areas in which they have grown and improved. Instead of being fixated on their marks, also spend time going over the teachers’ comments. These can add a lot of value and provide a broader perspective. Take a holistic, long-term view and talk to your learner about how they apply themselves throughout the term, the quality of their study time, things they did well and areas they can improve upon.
Practically Applying Feedback
If your learner has some areas for improvement in the next academic year, it is important to identify exactly what type of assistance they need. Do they require academic support, or simply help with memorising content? Do you need to focus on how they manage their study time or their stress? Should they learn relaxation techniques or study methods? Do they need the services of an occupational therapist or a physio? Or would they benefit most from an integrated approach, where they are taught study methods as well as coping skills?
By having an open, non-judgmental conversation, parents and guardians can gauge how much effort their learners really put in, and whether the methods they are using are bearing fruit. Many parents say that their children spend HOURS in front of their books. However, not everyone knows that learners’ optimal concentration span equals their age in years. In other words, the quality of focus and time spent is much more relevant than the quantity. Taking a perspective on the whole report, giving equal consideration to the marks and the teachers’ comments, will set parents and learners up for a more fruitful and satisfying year ahead.
Ultimately, what we want to achieve by discussing children’s reports is to get a clear picture of where they are in terms of their academic development. We want to know what changes they can implement themselves and what they need from us as parents, guardians and educational specialists. If your child could benefit from academic or emotional support, or coaching in study methods and coping skills, contact us at EduHelp. We will design a holistic approach based on your learner’s strengths and needs and advise you on how best to support them on their academic journey.